Equilibrium
by glowie
Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? **This is a translation attempt** of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Prologue**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

"Was my smile very weird just now?" Natsuki asked. 

"Ara, did Natsuki smiled just now?" replied Shizuru with a sweet innocent smile.

"..."

10 minutes of silence later.

"Is my Natsuki angry?" said Shizuru as she notices a scowl being formed in the younger woman's face.

"No." Natsuki snapped.

"Ara, Natsuki surely is angry." insisted the brown haired woman.

"No, I am not!" Natsuki hissed, clearly losing her patience.

"If Natsuki says so, but I think Natsuki's face is saying another." Shizuru chimed playfully.

"NO! I AM NOT!!!" shouted the raven haired girl.

Seeing Natsuki's outburst, the brown haired woman, wearing a cunning smile, raised her hand and gently brushed the said girl's beet red cheek and concluded. "Ara, Natsuki is really angry now."

Speechless, the defeated Natsuki released a resigned sigh.

* * *

Natsuki enters her own apartment after sending Shizuru to her class, letting lengthy sigh, she dropped herself into the couch. Not long after, Natsuki releases yet another. "Sigh ..." 

Although they stayed a good distance apart, they still tried to meet up daily. Natsuki will chauffeur Shizuru to and fro from school and if time permits, they would even have dinner together.

Even though "things" (mainly, their relationship) have somewhat returned to normal, Natsuki can't help but **felt** herself being subjected to more frequent teasing from the older girl. Not that she minded, since being teased by the other is a part of their relationship anyway.

"What??!! Being teased is a part of our relationship??!!" Natsuki groan inwardly with this sudden realization.

Natsuki finds the notion of her always being the ONE being constantly embarrassed, teased and then appeased hard to get used to. Being the "Ice Princess", she has always been able to make anyone turn-tail by just a cold stare, nobody dares to treat her lightly, let alone TEASE her! (Mai has been somewhat successful in this department but she is no way NEAR Shizuru's level of expertise)

"Sigh..." shoulders slumped, the resigned raven haired girl sighed in defeat, "Oh well... as long as she likes it..."

Truth be told, both of them worked hard for their relationship to work. Being exact opposites in more ways than one, they are constantly learning, adjusting and finding ways to achieve a common point of equilibrium.

* * *

As the raven haired girl, impatiently picks out every single green pea from her lunch box, her brown haired companion quietly and gracefully relocates them into hers. 

If this was before, Natsuki would have bellowed, "Stop that! It's embarrassing!" whereas Shizuru would just eat the green peas while smiling softly.

Now, however, the raven haired beauty would blush and not say a word. Whereas the older girl would, in return, transfer her vegetables unto younger girl's lunchbox, urging gently. "Vegetables are good for you."

"You've given me your vegetables, what about yourself?" Natsuki stated plainly.

"I have your green peas." Shizuru said while amber and green eyes locked for a brief moment.

Realizing the underlying message in their exchange both can't help but giggled.

"Ara, we're acting like little kids." Shizuru pointed out mischievously.

* * *

Such an ordinary life... yet... happiness abounds. After the carnival, life has never been so peaceful. So much so that Natsuki finds it hard to believe that it is actually happening to her. 

After spending most of her 19 years alone, without family or friends, Natsuki, now, not only does she have friends but most importantly ... she has found her most precious person.

As of this point in time, happiness filled her heart with the warmth and fragrance of a refreshing spring in the high mountains.

This bubbling feeling of happiness, as if left unchecked, threatens to burst forth the secrets of her heart.

How she wished she was standing, facing the vast ocean, shouting at the top of her lungs, for once, not being afraid to let the whole world know ... "I AM SO HAPPY!"

* * *

"Equilibrium" 

"Huh?"

"Everything that exists needs to find its point of balance, Natsuki."

"Eh?"

Giving up, Mai pointed at Natsuki's cheek and explained. "... That was today's lesson in class."

"Natsuki? ... just what is wrong with you and your silly grins?"

"Terrifyingly stupid silly grins ... if I might add." a disgusted Nao, sitting on the other side of the lunch table, interjected.

"I guess it has to do with the Kaichou."

A blissfully grinning Natsuki, lost in her own peaceful world, ignores the two effortlessly.

"Sigh..." both girls sighed in unison.

* * *

"A gift." 

"Huh?" Shizuru gently queried.

"I want to give you a gift." Natsuki repeated, with clarity and confidence this time.

"What for?"

"Your birthday gift." Natsuki explained.

"Ara, I forgot about it." A rarely surprised Shizuru exclaimed.

The raven haired girl responded with her rare gentle smile.

It's that calming smile again. Without knowing why, whenever Shizuru sees this smile, her wits will fail her, leaving the ever so composed Kaichou, unsure how to react. Feeling warmth crept up her cheeks, she shyly diverts her gaze.

"I will be looking forward to it... Natsuki's gift..." Shizuru added softly.

Nervously, Natsuki reaches out her hand and held on to the older girl's shoulder. Moving closer, placing her lips inches from her ear, with her low yet slightly trembling voice, softly, gently,

she breathes. "I love you."

* * *

Weird, I am definitely smiling, but why? Why do I feel this warm dampness on my cheeks? 

Silly Natsuki, don't cry, your tears are making my face wet.

Ignoring my weak attempt to disguise my uneasiness, Natsuki smiles gently and wraps her arms around me and held me tightly ... Whatever that she said afterwards fell on deaf ears for I am lost... lost in the warmness of her body... Natsuki's body...

Gently she reaches out and tries to wipe away the tears in my face. But mysteriously, the more she tries, the wetter it becomes.

Desperately, trying to regain control, I glowered at Natsuki, more out of embarrassment than anger and stammered. "I.I..I can do it myself."

Just when I wanted to brush her hand away, a shadow obscures my sight and I froze ...

Natsuki's kiss...

warm...

salty... unsure and I care not whether its mingled with her tears or mine.

* * *

Never in her life, has Shizuru been any happier than this very moment. There is no doubt in her mind that this is a birthday she will never forget. 

Although her actual present (a romantic candlelight dinner) has nothing to do with the confession, Shizuru knows that it is the best she can ever get from her articulately challenged and hopelessly shy Natsuki.

Although ever secretly hoping, the brown haired woman had never dared to indulge in the thought that her feelings would ever be reciprocated.

She loves everything about her raven haired beauty. Her gentle kindness, awkward naivety, fierce honesty... everything, everything about her.

The Natsuki that I love... says she loves me...

Natsuki loves me...

I am so happy.

I am so happy.

Shizuru lies on her bed, lifts up her hand and peer through it up at the ceiling. Ignoring the fact, that even though only the ceiling light is in her line of sight, all that she sees is her Natsuki's face.

* * *

"Natsuki, I will be going back to Kyoto for awhile. Some family business I have to attend to." Shizuru mentioned during dinner. 

"Kyoto? What about your studies?" Natsuki questioned as she cut out a piece of cake with her fork.

"Don't worry Natsuki, it will only be for a few days. I'll be back before you know it." Shizuru smiled reassuringly.

"Ca..ca... can.. I come with you?" stammered Natsuki. Unwilling to part with her brown haired lover, now that they are finally together.

"Ara, I am glad Natsuki misses me, but Natsuki has classes also no? I will only be but a few days away." Although outwardly she declines Natsuki's offer, Shizuru finds it hard to suppress a heart-warming smile. An arched eyebrow, followed by a slight lift at the corner of her lips betrayed her calm demeanor.

As if contemplating her chances of convincing the older girl otherwise, Natsuki eventually whined. "Fine! But hurry back ok?" Knowing fully well she'll never win the battle of reasons with her brown haired goddess.

"I will." Shizuru answered contently. Looking at Natsuki endearingly, she reached for and took the fork from her hand, picked up a piece of cake and held it in front of her raven haired beauty.

Ignoring her reddening cheeks, Natsuki obediently opens her mouth...

* * *

Unbeknownst to her, Natsuki later regretted her decision of not making the Kyoto trip with Shizuru. "Baka! If only I insisted and went with her!" she repeatedly scolded herself. "If ONLY I followed her, I would have noticed it! And things! Things might be different!" 

Equilibrium.

Yes, all things need to find its point of balance.

Alas, being blissfully submerged in the sea of happiness, she didn't notice it.

No... She didn't notice it at all.

* * *

Notes: ok... firstly, I want to thank Firerei for allowing me at a pathetic attempt to translate her work. I hope she doesn't regret it. I hope you people would bear with me. The story itself is good. Pardon the rigid and awkward translation. If you concentrate on the story... you should be fine. (errm... IMAGINATION is your friend) hehehe... 

Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com (sorry, i am noob... how do we put hyperlink properly? also... cant we use asteriks? sorry... )

Oh ya... wears helmet, hides in bunker,closes door... ok... you guys can start throwing the rotten tomatoes now...

#splat!# 1st tomato: Gah! TENSE MISTAKE! 1st WORD!!! ackkkkk... thanks for pointing that out... corrected it.

* * *


	2. Missing

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? **This is a translation attempt** of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Chapter 1 - Missing**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

"Thumph!" Natsuki threw her purse on the couch in anger before dumping her full weight into the couch in an attempt to release some pent up anger. 

"Why?!!!" she shouted in frustration.

"Only a few days she says, I promised to hurry back she says... IT HAS BEEN A WEEK!!! Arggghhh"

Natsuki has been trying to reach Shizuru but to no avail. The brown haired girl did not pick up her calls nor returned any of Natsuki's messages.

The only news the raven haired girl had was a message saying she'll be back later ... and having to "hear" this message off of Mai's handphone DID NOT help matters a single bit. In fact, she almost threw Mai's handphone out of the window just to prove that point.

"What are you doing Shizuru?" Natsuki couldn't help but whimpered.

* * *

"Mai? I might not make it back next week. Can you inform Natsuki for me? Thanks." 

16 words... that's all there is to it. No attempt to provide details or explanations. Nothing except the soft chirping of birds and the faint rustling sound of flowing waters could be heard. Countless attempts by the raven haired girl to gather clues from the message failed miserably.

The Shizuru in the message was not talking to her... Shizuru... not wanting to talk to her?

'Beep' Piped the Mai's handphone replay button. The gentle yet familiar Kyoto-ben resounded.

"Mai? I might not make it back next week. Can you inform Natsuki for me? Thanks."

'Beep'

"Mai? I might not make it back next week. Can you inform Natsuki for me? Thanks."

'Beep'

"Can you inform Natsuki for me? Thanks."

"Can you inform Natsuki for me? Thanks."

"Can you..."

"Why? Why won't you talk to me directly?" a low hoarse voice questioned.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A week passed by ... Shizuru has yet to come back.

And another... Shizuru did not come back.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Decided she couldn't and wouldn't take it anymore, after acquiring Shizuru's home address, Natsuki went to Kyoto. What greeted her was an impressive Western-styled mansion. It suddenly dawned on the younger girl how little she knew of her brown haired companion.

To Natsuki, being adept in both tea ceremony and flower arrangement, Shizuru has always been the epitome of a traditional Japanese beauty to her, even more so when she had her kimono on. Never has it occurred to her that her companion's beautiful and soft brown colored hair reflects her natural heritage and not the results of some artificial coloring.

Greeting her at the gates is a beautiful matured and elegant Caucasian lady. Sporting slightly curled brown hair, deep blue eyes and sharp facial features. Even though time has graced her face with its presence, Natsuki need not search hard to see a striking resemblance to the one she misses so. Without a doubt, she knows who is standing before her.

The woman spoke perfect Japanese. Neither traces of Kyoto-ben nor any foreign tongue could be found.

The woman told Natsuki that Shizuru inherited her eyes from her father. Blood red eyes were a strong family trait on her father's side. What a perfect union, the gentle yet mesmerizing angelic features and the devilish gleam which is capable of drawing one unknowingly into the depths of hell.

Deep down, Natsuki felt relieved. Even though deep blue eyes are beautiful, fiery red is the only color for her Shizuru's eyes.

The woman received Natsuki warmly but she seemed indifferent when she told the raven haired girl that Shizuru has not been home for quite some time.

Natsuki distinctly felt as if someone is watching her but eventually brushed the feeling aside. She politely took her leave and thank Shizuru's mother for her hospitality.

With that, the raven haired girl is now officially without any leads as to Shizuru's whereabouts.

* * *

Natsuki went thru an emotional roller coaster as her mood swings drastically from anger to disappointment, and from disappointment to worry. Try as she might, Natsuki could not find any words to describe her feelings. 

Until... that very night... the phone rang.

There was no caller-id.

"Hello?"

"..."

"Who is this?"

"..."

"Ooi! Say something!"

"..."

"A joke...?" just when the raven haired girl wanted to slam down the phone, she heard a soft sigh. Barely a whisper but an immediate recognition flashed through Natsuki's mind and she knew... that voice! The one voice that is able to both leave her restless and yet at the same time calmed her.

"Shizuru! I know it is you! Shizuru..." unable to contain her emotions, the younger girl poured out her yearnings over the phone.

"Where are you? Why didn't you call me?" An infuriated Natsuki howled. Like a lost dog, struggling to express its hurt and discontentment of being left behind.

Yet... there is no answer.

"Why are you doing this? Don't you know how worried I am?"

"Just what is it that you are doing?"

"..."

Despite all of Natsuki's begging and pleas, the person at the other end remained silent. Unwilling to response but yet refuse to hang up.

Not giving up, the worried, frustrated, desperate and hurt Natsuki continue to pour out herself over the phone but she could not get any response from the other side.

'Why? Why won't she talk to me?'

'What? What have I done wrong?'

Questions, these questions kept bombarding her. Questions which she has no answer to... questions which the other person refuses to answer.

Angry defiant howls of the raven haired girl gradually dissipated, slowing and painfully... they turned into pleading sobs.

Still... there is no answer.

"Why... Shizuru, is it me? Was it something I did? Why won't you speak to me?" Natsuki pleaded helplessly.

"I need you..."

"How can I live without you?"

'I need you...' Natsuki mumbled against the phone weakly, lost in a daze, she repeated the phrase again and again.

"..."

She felt the person on the other side took a sharp intake of breath and the line went dead.

'Beep … beep… beep… beep'

The irritating sound pierced through the quiet of the night.

* * *

Notes: Just to clarify, this is a finished work. I just needed time to translate it. I have yet to figure out how to post hyperlink still so... here's another disjointed link to the author's blog. Sorry for the mess... 

http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com

Thanks for the encouragement. I learnt a lot through this exercise... my VOCAB is really really bad. hehehe... Kept having trouble looking for better words to describe. hehehe...

* * *


	3. The Search

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? **This is a translation attempt** of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Chapter 2 - The Search**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

"Natsuki, please, please calm down." Mai tried without success to comfort her friend. Shizuru had been missing for a month now. 

When Mai agreed to Shizuru's request, deep down, she knows she will have hell to pay. But by actually being on the receiving end of Natsuki's concentrated, unfiltered rage, was much scarier than she would have imagined.

"**CALM DOWN?!! CALM DOWN?!! How could I?** She hasn't contacted me for two whole months but **YOU!** you actually met up with her and you **KEPT IT FROM ME**!!!" Natsuki practically roared at Mai, glaring fiery icy daggers and what not. Mai, for once, was glad that they have lost their HiME powers after the carnival.

"You know full well that this is not my idea, Natsuki. You know how it is with Kaichou, once she has made up her mind, nobody can convince her otherwise. I tried to get her to call you... but..." Mai tried to explain.

"I don't understand..." crestfallen, the raven haired girl turns her head away from Mai, half cried in despair. "Shizuru... Do you detest me so?"

Looking at her friend's plight, Mai, guilt ridden, wished she had at least tried to secretly notify Natsuki of their meeting despite Shizuru's objection.

But alas, it is too late now. For even this last link had been broken. Ever since that day, no one, not even Mai has heard from Shizuru.

* * *

"To be honest, I don't know what has happened between you and Kaichou. All I know is that she wanted me to bring you here during this time." 

Confused, Natsuki tries to make sense of her surroundings. In front of her is a huge field of green grass. Arranged neatly on top this sea of green are ... gravestones... simple yet elegant they stood. Like ships neatly lay across the sea of green.

Hundreds? Thousands. Some, with names others without. Every single one of them represents a life once... a life lost.

It was a bright and sunny day with clear blue sky dotted with white clouds. No buildings to obscure the view, a majestic view of the endless blue sky.

Silently, the raven haired girl hopes against hope that Shizuru would suddenly appear before her.

It has to be! It had to!

She couldn't find any other reason why a specific time and place was picked if not for a meeting.

With abated breath... she waited.

Alas, in vain she waited... for her Shizuru did not appear.

Instead, a mother and her child slowly came into view. The woman, a traditional Japanese housewife was holding her daughter's hand that is sporting braids and adorned in kimono. Natsuki could not be sure but estimated the child to be around 3 to 4 years of age.

The woman smiled and waved towards Mai.

"You're here again?" the middle aged woman asked warmly.

"Ahh... it seemed you have a different company this time. Fujino-san didn't come with you?" the woman asked when she saw Natsuki.

Mai was about to reply when she was rudely interrupted by Natsuki. "Shizuru Fujino was here before?"

The woman looks warily at Natsuki, before she answered. "Since two months ago, I have been seeing Fujino-san here almost every week."

Aware that her behavior is unbecoming, the raven haired beauty quickly apologizes. "I am sorry, please forgive my rudeness. I am her friend. Kuga Natsuki."

The woman gave a warm smile and replied. "Is it now? My, my, you're all such pretty girls."

* * *

The little girl, left unattended earlier, came up to her mother and asked. "Mama, when will daddy and onii-chan come back home?" 

Bending down, the young mother scoops up her child kissed her on her cheeks and said. "Soon dear... soon." she repeated warmly.

* * *

"I am sorry about your husband and son."

They were sitting in the tea room of the woman's house which not far from the cemetery. The young girl is asleep by now, tired from the day's activities.

The woman seemed pale and white hair covered most of her head. Upon closer inspection, however, Natsuki concluded that she isn't that old. She seemed exhausted, burdened but beneath all that she emits an aura of wisdom and elegance.

"You do not need to be, my husband has lived a fulfilling live that alone is enough for me." The young mother replied warmly.

"You are an admirable woman." Mai commented, clearly impressed with the woman.

"Being alive, that is all that matters" the young mother gave a slight smile and said.

'Being alive'

"My husband was with my son, he said he wanted to show him around his factory... that was two years ago, the factory was razed in a freak accident that day and they never came back..." the young mother explained.

"The company, Searrs, didn't give us any acceptable explanation..."

"**What?! Searrs?"** Natsuki's heart grew cold.

'Searrs Corporation'

* * *

"Soon" the warm and protective motherly tone sings in Natsuki's mind.

"Soon"

Natsuki could not help herself but think of the young mother and her child. It triggered a memory tucked carefully in the back of her mind, her memory of her and her mother, a memory which carries with it more pain than warmth.

Why did Shizuru left her? What kind of pain is Shizuru going through in this very moment?

What on earth caused Shizuru to come face to face with the very people whom she had robbed them of their happiness, of their very lives? Natsuki do not know and she dare not imagine the pain and torment her beloved must be facing now.

All she wanted to do now is to be with Shizuru and share her pain, dry her tears and wrap her fiercely in her arms. Everyone makes mistakes; moreover, Natsuki knows full well that, that was a mistake she made because of her, for her.

If Shizuru felt what she did was unforgivable, then the one unforgivable would be me, Kuga Natsuki.

* * *

In a desperate bid, Natsuki decided to embark once again... to Kyoto, Shizuru's house.

Everything seems clearer now. Her instinct tells her that she must be there for the most dangerous of places is often times the safest as well.

Shizuru would have assumed she wouldn't be able to guess her hiding place, thinking it safe for her to remain there. Remembering her first visit, Natsuki recalls her feeling of being watched while talking to her mother... that must be Shizuru.

It has to be...

TBC

* * *

Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Please feel free to send me corrections and comments. I know I tend to use commas to break sentences up (A LOT!). That's because I am more of a talker. I don't know any other way to add the "pausing" effect. But if that is a NO-NO, please let me know. I'll pay more attention to that in future. (I tend to stress effect rather than being technically correct. Then again, I don't know much about being technically correct. hahaha grin)

As usual, Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com (so can I assume hyperlink is definitely not doable now?)

* * *


	4. The Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? This is a translation attempt of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Chapter 3 - The Truth**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

The raven haired girl is usually adamant and painstakingly stubborn whenever she has her mind set on something. Right now, her mission is to find her brown haired lover. Woe to all who stood in her way. As of this moment, Shizuru's housemaid is one of said obstacle.

"Shizuru must be here." Natsuki repeated with conviction glaring at the housemaid who kept insisting that she is wrong. The poor maid has been trying to get the scary raven haired girl to leave the premise for some time now.

"I am sorry miss, but..."

"I know Shizuru is inside! Let me see her. Tell her that Kuga Natsuki is looking for her!" the raven haired girl barked with a commanding tone while sending an unspoken 'OR ELSE!' glare at the trembling housemaid. Weighing the pros and cons, the maid decided it is wiser to do as the raven haired girl have "suggested".

10 minutes later...

"Kuga-san, please come in."

* * *

She has been asked to wait in a Japanese-styled reception room. It surprised her that such a place could be found in the huge Western-styled mansion.

The raven haired beauty found it hard to sit still while she is struggling to hold the anticipation within her at bay. Trying to calm herself down, she started taking in her surroundings.

The reception area is adorned with Tatami boards and is tastefully furnished with simple yet clearly expensive accessories. A huge paper fan adorned the front wall and on it an elegant painting.

Eventually, she managed to quieten her heart; with it she heard familiar soft chirping of birds as well as the faint rustling sound of flowing waters. Realizing that her hunch was correct, her heart quickens and her stomach felt queasy. Shizuru is near!

A soft rustling sound of rhythmic steps could be heard as the owner neared the room. Natsuki did not need to wait long before the paper door was pushed aside to allow a brown haired beauty clad in purple kimono into the room.

* * *

The heart of the raven haired girl skipped a beat when she laid her eyes on Shizuru, 'Shizuru!' it silently wailed, and it started to beat faster on its own accord. To Natsuki's dismay, her heart's reaction to this encounter was not returned in kind. Shizuru's distant and cold demeanor had seen to that.

"I presume Mai-san has brought Natsuki to that place?" the brown haired girl asked casually.

Natsuki nods her head quietly. The air around them screamed of awkwardness and for once the raven haired girl desperately searched but failed to find the familiar warmth of her lover.

"Do you know what that means?" Shizuru continued to ask, ignoring the myriad expression, mostly of hurt, confusion and longing flashing through the younger girl's face.

"I..." before the raven haired girl could answer, "It doesn't matter what you think anymore, what you think is no longer important to me." interjected Shizuru coldly.

Emerald eyes retreated in pain.

"What do you mean? Why are you saying this?" whimpered a defeated Natsuki.

* * *

"Why? Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me?" asked a hurt Natsuki.

Making her displeasure known, the brown haired girl plainly stated. "I don't see the need to."

Natsuki's heart tightens painfully upon hearing Shizuru's reply.

"No matter what the..."

"No, Natsuki, you have to face reality." Shizuru said with a cold and unmoving gaze. Amber eyes not leaving emerald orbs, she pointed out calmly. "Shizuru Fujino is a murderer."

Do you know?

Murderer.

Emerald orbs clamped shut in pain and the raven haired beauty's heart cried and bled for her and her lover.

* * *

"Do not forget Natsuki, I am filthy whore. I am capable of hurting even those close to me. Remember what I did to you Natsuki..."

Have you really forgotten about it?

Forgotten doesn't mean it didn't happen...

That cemetery used to be a factory. It was all because of me... of what I did...

Yes... Forgotten doesn't mean it didn't happen...

* * *

"Don't you see? No matter what you say, no matter what you think you are... it is the same to me; you are my Shizuru, and nothing else. I don't care what others think!" the raven haired girl declared, with a tinge of childish innocence but more so with an unwavering determination.

Fiery orbs constricted and focused on the raven haired beauty, reddish gaze looks at her critically.

"Such a gentle yet cruel gesture, Natsuki..."

Natsuki... Don't you understand?

* * *

"You are being difficult! Why are you making this hard for us?" cried a helpless Natsuki.

A sharp contrast to the raven haired beauty's emotional turmoil, Shizuru's calm and cold demeanor has never faltered. From the very moment she stepped into the room, the brown haired woman has been nothing but cold and distant. Not a trace of Shizuru's warm smile for Natsuki could be found. In its place a side of Shizuru which is totally alien to Natsuki.

As If they had returned to that day... to that Shizuru, void of all emotions, an angel of death and destruction.

"That only shows just how shallow your love for me is Natsuki..."

Hurt that her love is being questioned, the raven haired girl howled. "You know that isn't true!"

"Shizuru! Just tell me! What is it that you want me to do? I'll do anything for you!"

"Go back." the brown haired woman coldly replied before standing up and turned to leave.

Panicked, Natsuki grabbed Shizuru's elbow.

"You did not give up on me before; do you think that I will leave you now?"

"You are hurting me, Natsuki." Shizuru coldly stated.

Cursing her own brashness, the raven haired girl quickly releases her grip.

Angry reddish marks, in place of Natsuki's grip, are evident against the older girl's pale skin.

Guilty and ashamed, Natsuki reaches out... but the older girl moved away.

"Natsuki should know that once I have made up my decision, no one can change my mind. Meeting you today is the last concession I will make."

"And you should know that I never compromise." challenged the raven haired beauty.

* * *

Natsuki called Mai on the fifth day of her stay in Shizuru's house.

"I won't be going back anytime soon."

The housekeeper has a habit of keeping a daily log of activities in the house. Below is an account of the events. Unrelated happenings are not included.

"Day 6: Although eating normally, Shizuru-sama looks wearier day by day. She seemed pale. She tends to mumble to herself a lot but kept quiet whenever Kuga-san is near."

"Day 7: Shizuru-sama talked to Kuga-san for a bit today. She is still sad and weary mostly but she managed a few smiles.

"Day 8: Shizuru-sama seemed to be having problems sleeping."

"Day 9: Shizuru-sama seemed to have a good appetite today. Kuga-san took this opportunity to ask if Shizuru-sama has lost weight since she came back to Kyoto."

"Day 10: Shizuru-sama smiled at Kuga-san today. Although she still looks pale, she seemed somewhat happy."

"Day 11: Shizuru-sama seemed to have regained some of her strength and ... she talked a lot and seemed to enjoy her meal."

"Day 12: Things seemed to have turned for the better but Kuga-san is still worried and Shizuru-sama continues to have some reservation towards Kuga-san."

"Day 13: Shizuru-sama fell asleep on Kuga-san's shoulder."

"Day 14: Shizuru-sama seemed very happy today. She talked freely with Kuga-san and even teased her. She seemed... uncharacteristically joyful... Shizuru-sama told Kuga-san she loves her."

The last phrase was strike out and this was written under it. "It is unbecoming of us servants to comment on this."

The log is empty after that. Nothing new was written on it.

* * *

Natsuki woke up refreshed this morning. The air is dry and clear. Putting on her clothes, she prepares herself for breakfast.

The raven haired beauty is happy and relieved with the progress so far. They had resumed talking and Shizuru seemed happy.

Natsuki waited for Shizuru... but the brown haired beauty didn't show up.

Decided to check on her, the younger girl went to Shizuru's room.

It was empty.

Glances around the room, she spotted an envelope on the floor.

Written neatly on the envelope... "To Kuga Natsuki."

* * *

Natsuki:

By the time you read this letter, I would have left this world. Firstly, I would like to apologize for putting you much grievance due to my stubbornness. I know you have tried very hard all these months just to find me. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the carnival, First District and even us. I tried to push it all away but when a business partner of my father passed away, I was called back to attend his funeral in Kyoto.

At the funeral I met them... the young mother and her daughter. Every week, without fail they went to the cemetery. I know it is not wise, I couldn't help myself. I approached them and we talked. Eventually, we become close. That innocent little girl will never know that I, the onee-sama she came to know, was the one who took away her father and her brother's precious life. Ironic isn't it? Life can be so cruel sometimes...

Natsuki, I am only human after all. Like a normal person, I have feelings. I just can't take it anymore.

Do you understand?

Do you really know all that I have done? The sins that I have committed?

To be honest, I was very happy when you came looking for me. Seeing you and talking with you again, my resolve faltered, my intended plan, living alone in seclusion failed miserably for I couldn't bring myself to turn you away.

In the end, I've decided to leave. I don't want to hurt you Natsuki nor do I want to make you sad. Know this Natsuki, being with you is all I ever wanted and could ever wish for. Our times together are truly my happiest moments. I have no regrets.

TBC

* * *

Notes: Ok... If I told you there are only 4 chapters to this fic... SORRY... I lied. :P 

Nahh... it ended too long so I split it into two. Hehehe... The next chapter is going to be the final one followed by an epilogue.

As usual, Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com

Err... HAVE A NICE WEEKEND!!! Rushes back to her bunker before more rotten tomatoes hit her...

* * *


	5. Found

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? This is a translation attempt of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Chapter 4 - Found**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

Leaning forward on the railings of the jutted ledge, she allows the howling sea winds free access to hear face and hair. The contents of her letter still fresh in her mind, Shizuru looks out sadly into the vast ocean. 

Is it fair for me to be happy? Just me being happy? Me, the one who destroyed countless lives. I mercilessly rob them of their happiness and in turn, gave them despair and suffering.

Life with you is a total bliss. But is this really fair? Is this really alright? Is it right for me to have such happiness?

How could I bask in our happiness when I, with my own two hands, had so mercilessly denied others of theirs?

Equilibrium... Yes indeed.

Just what kind of a person am I, Natsuki? Do you really know me?

No... We could never have happiness. Our fates as HiMEs have long decided that for us.

Natsuki, I know you far too well for I have set my eyes on your from the beginning and they have never left. You are a smart girl yet... you've never tried to lie to me. You are always honest with me.

The cruel truth is, without you, I will surely die. Whereas without me... you can still have a fulfilling life. I know this because I see your kindness and understood your strength. Even so, I am still happy and content because I had you in my life.

* * *

I am not one to believe in reincarnation but now I held onto this hope like a fervent believer. If the afterlife exists, will I see you again? 

Can we meet again? Natsuki?

Can you promise me to meet again?

The brown haired beauty solemnly looks out into the sea from the cliff, her hair flying wildly in the howling wind.

Standing on the ledge, she slowly step forward... edging herself through the parting... placing herself between the railing and the edge.

She took another step.

Promise me? Natsuki?

* * *

"I promise but it's NOT in the afterlife!" a low almost growling voice hissed. 

Startled from her daze, Shizuru found herself hovering over the edge; a pair of strong familiar arms encircled her waist from behind, holding her in place.

"Shizuru! Do you want to give me a heart attack?!!" panting heavily, a flustered Natsuki reprimanded the brown haired girl. Relieved, the raven haired girl released her long abated breath. Thankful to the gods above that she managed to arrive in nick of time.

Shizuru felt something warm and sticky dripping unto her cheek.

"Natsuki! You're bleeding!?" Shizuru panicked.

* * *

"Well... the situation was a bit intense just now. I didn't have enough time to break my bike properly, so I jumped." explained Natsuki. 

Pulling Shizuru back up unto the ledge, Natsuki embrace her tightly from behind before leaning weakly against Shizuru's back. As soon as the adrenalin rush left her, the raven haired beauty finally relented to her battered body's protest and collapsed.

"Please hold on Natsuki, I'll... I'll call for an ambulance immediately." Shizuru spoke more for her own assurance than her raven haired beauty. She carefully sat the younger girl into a comfortable position. Taking care not to aggravate the younger girl's wounds, the Kyoto beauty rest her lover's head upon her chest and held her softly.

* * *

Shizuru, I know I am dense but I am not stupid... I... 

Mai said, everything that exists needs to find its point of balance.

Equilibrium...

Even as you are standing on one end of the scale, know that I am standing on the other. Our world would lose its balance if it loses either one of us.

If you feel that those people who died are more important than me, then jump...

"You know that isn't true..."

My dear Shizuru, we need each other to maintain our equilibrium. You and I... I could not have survived in an unbalance world... a world without you.

* * *

People who are dead lose not only their lives but their possibilities. Possibilities to bring happiness or suffering... 

The sole reason why a person is precious is because he or she is alive.

By being alive, one always has the power of possibilities. To make a difference...

If you can save those who died by dying, I will not stop you.

"Erm... make that 'should' not stop you." Natsuki shyly corrected herself before smiling warmly.

At that very moment, Shizuru saw her light... that warm smile belonging to her Natsuki... and of her possibilities.

Shizuru realized that day, Natsuki will always be the light whenever she is lost in her darkness. No matter how deep the pain or dark the despair, Natsuki's innocence and kindness will guide her...

Always...

* * *

Being alive is a good thing. A very good thing... Being the one alive also means we have the responsibility to live for those who are not. From there, we can try to rebuild... to restore... to complete... to repay... 

"But if we are dead... we can do nothing... nothing at all." The thick low voice of the raven haired girl whispered.

"Truly... nothing at all." Shizuru agreed while she gently caresses the cheek of her raven haired beauty, wiping away dew drops of tears.

Madness... fears... pain... happiness. She could feel all these feelings because she is alive. Because she is alive, she can feel Natsuki's love...

Tears, long held tears, started flowing, bursting forth from amber eyes. Touched, moved by the sheer simplicity and truthfulness of their love. Touched, moved... for she is founded by and she in turn.found her soul mate.

She can feel it... all these feelings...

because she is alive...

* * *

A year later... Natsuki's apartment... 

"Ok... hand over the mayo now..."

"No, not today."

"What? How can you do this to me? Remember the time I save you from that cliff? My bike was crashed beyond repair for you!"

"Natsuki! Digging the past up with me now? Ahh... you hurt me so."

"But... But I must have it today! I... I will surely die if I didn't"

"Don't you dare use that word lightly!"

"Ara, if you really want to have your mayo..." teased the brown haired woman while she squeezed the white substance unto her fingers...

"Ehhh !!!???" A crimson red Natsuki stammered.

"SHIZURU!!!!!"

* * *

Because we are alive... 

We can confidently say. "It is good to be alive."

- The End

* * *

Notes: -emerges from her heavily fortified bunker- Yes! it is finally finished... well not really... THERE is still an epilogue. :P 

If you believed that I would leave you people hanging on the last chapter over the weekend... I apologize... heheheh... was feeling brave. -grin-

(k... someone please... have mercy! I need my asterisks!!! Teach me!!!)

Thank you all for your support and feedback. Again, corrections are greatly welcomed. If you ran out of tomatoes... I'll accept any other form of vegetables or fruits.

As usual, Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com

Once the epilogue is up, I'll be placing proper names for the chapters as suggested by Firerei.

* * *


	6. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own anything... not even this story... sad huh? This is a translation attempt of my favorite Chinese ShizNat fanfic. Details of the original work and author are included at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Story takes place after the carnival. Natsuki finally took the next step. Things couldn't have been better ... however, will it last? ShizNat.

* * *

**Equilibrium**

**Epilogue**

**Authored by Firerei**

Translated by glowie

* * *

. 

**10 years later...**

**Report 1:  
**Under the capable leadership of the President and CEO of Fujino Corporation, the organization is now a world renowned and highly regarded entity in the world business arena. Its influence and fame reaching far and wide. Part of its fame stems from the organization's focus on charitable works. It is rumored that the organization has also anonymously supported a lot of humanitarian projects across the globe. Even critics have found it hard to believe that an organization would go to such lengths to establish a healthy corporate image.

**Report 2:  
**State of the Art Orphanage is officially opened today. Built on top of the ruins left by a Searrs Corporation factory, destroyed years ago, the orphanage is equipped with the latest...

**Report 3:  
**Heiress to the Fujino Corporation has yet to find a suitable marriage partner. Rumor has it that Ms. Fujino is too busy and ambitious and has no plans to settle down anytime soon. However, according to reliable sources, Ms. Fujino's close female friend is the real reason behind the wealthy heiress reluctance to find a husband. When asked to confirm this rumor, a 'no comment' has been issued by the corporation's media relations.

* * *

Somehow, the following scenario doesn't seemed right as we see the raven haired beauty carefully and neatly arranges the above mentioned newspaper cuttings into a bulky blue folder. She will definitely deny it if someone actually accuses her of doing this and she wouldn't be lying either since she herself couldn't believe she did it and has been doing it for awhile now. 

"Natsuki? What are you busy with? Dinner is ready."

"I'm coming..." the raven haired beauty slowly stood up and stretched lazily.

"My, my, the media is buzzing a lot around you lately. Always the center of attention aren't we now." said the amused younger woman, taking her time approaching the dinner table.

Smiling slightly, the brown haired woman proceeds to place the rest of the dishes on the table.

"Heh! Your people will surely beat me up if they found out that the capable President and CEO of Fujino Corporation actually cooks for me every day." The raven haired beauty joked.

"ONLY if they plan to lose their jobs..." replied the older woman half jokingly ... only half mind you.

Natsuki laughs lightly at the reply as she stood behind her lover and folded her arms around her waist. Holding her in a comfortable hug, she buries her face into the Kyoto beauty's jasmine scented soft brown hair. Contented in the simple show of affection, the older woman stood motionless, enjoying the tender moment.

"By the way, there is a new charity project in Africa hoping to get some corporate funding. What do you think Natsuki?"

"Well... we've just spent 3 over million on the orphanage... do you think the company still have excess funds to do this?"

Contemplating this for a minute or so, Shizuru replied. "Hrm... I'll discuss this with the board of directors tomorrow."

"Really?" Natsuki grin mischievously, knowing full well what the "result" would be before the "discussion" actually took place.

"I think they are gonna squirm. Their 'Ojou-sama' is such a squanderer." continued her lover playfully, although she did felt a tinge of "compassion" for them.

Shizuru smiled.

"But I know my Shizuru is trying very hard." admitted Natsuki proudly.

"Of course, because I am alive and happily so ... I am so fortunate. But there is still so much suffering and unjust in this world... if only everyone is willing to just do a bit more... just try harder... maybe... everyone can live happily too."

Natsuki nodded her head in agreement. "Now tell me, what kind of world would my Shizuru want to build?"

Shizuru gently turns around, placing a light kiss on her lover's cheek and replied. "The Republic of Heaven, of course."

The End

Note: "Republic of Heaven" comes from Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials'

* * *

Notes: Wooohoo... finally managed to get it all done! -dances around with joy- 

Thank you all so much for your support and tolerance and especially those of you who have reviewed. I will definitely forward them to Firerei. I think she'll appreciate them as much as I do. 

I really enjoyed this and felt good doing this. I saw quite some angst ended up with either Shizuru or Natsuki ending their lives and I just needed to share this BEAUTIFUL piece. I really love how Firerei portray Natsuki. A smart, innocent, strong and fiercely loyal friend and lover.

Another reason I felt good about this? LOL... I think this is the 1st time I wrote something which is NOT my homework. -laugh- AND I don't do my homework...

As usual, Firerei's blog can be found at http://axonxrei.blog97 dot fc2 dot com

Btw... if you know of good Chinese Shiznat fics... send me a link? My Chinese ain't that grand and Chinese forums makes me dizzy... thanks. :)

* * *


End file.
